I'm sure whoever invented the shopping mall thought it was a good idea at the time, but what he failed to realize is that he was a stupid asshole. His time would have been better spent inventing a self-stocking ape cage for use in zoos. That would have served society rather than help to bring it down, and it wouldn't have been that big a stretch because in a sense, that's what malls are, only they have the taint of the devil on them.

Imagine a zoo with ape cages that have no doors, which the apes enter of their own volition, and which never lack for fresh apes to awe the viewing public. Now imagine a mired world full of very large ape cages, except instead of bars or windows, it is made up of many small stores and kiosks. The floors are continually paced by those who, though fortunate enough to be born with oposable thumbs, have yet to shamble forth from apedom. There are no guards, and no one captures them, they just come, all on their own.

Malls are wretched holes which the last three million years of evolution have passed by. They are full of ape-like half-humans who were born for one purpose alone- to spend. Yes, these soulless, animal-eyed automatons have lost what little humanity they ever had, and now walk those unholy aisles because that's what the glowing box tells them to do. I am convinced that more than a few consecutive hours spent in a mall will suck the soul from the average human. The fact that book stores are found in malls is the acme of irony.

For obvious reasons malls should be avoided like death itself, but no doubt there are those who will not heed this warning and will return to the hive. All I ask is that you enter with objectivity, and witness the apelike behaviors of your fellow mall-goers.

If this message saves just one person, then it was worth it.