Apparently this has been going on for quite some time, but the Triad has been way too busy kicking ass to notice the latest commercials. The deal is this: Coca-Cola Company is fucking racist. There, I said it. Not only are they racist, but they have the audacity to use their racism to make money. These claims are of a shocking and grotesque nature, so of course the Triad has extrordinary proof to show. I offer this:


Me so horny! You party?

If you're reading this at all, you've no doubt already figured out what's wrong with this advertisement. The slogan treat yourself light is obviously a play on the phrase that exhorts one to "treat yourself right". The problem comes from the lady on the left. She is quite plainly of Asian decent. Now, Coke spends millions and millions of dollars on advertisement every year. Surely they could afford to hire someone who wouldn't stereotypically mispronounce "treat yourself right" as "treat yourself light" anyway. It's insulting. I can only imagine how the poor lady in the ad must feel, having been used as a tool to embarrass her family and her people.

Now, if the ad were otherwise catchy or attractive, I could see how this might be an accident, and give Coke the benefit of the doubt. But let's face it, with the exception of the lady herself, it looks like ass. They didn't even bother to capitalize anything. In addition to these asthetic flaws, the slogan itself is dumb as shit. "Treat yourself light"? I mean, come on. Seriously.

All this overwhelming evidence can point to only one conclusion. Coca-Cola purposefully used racist stereotyping to sell their products. It's important to note that you won't find this banner anywhere on Coca-Cola's website. Hmmmm.

But now we have to ask ourselves, why would Coca-Cola even try to use racism to sell softdrinks? I'll tell you why. I don't know why, that does not make sense. And that's why it's perfect. In today's ultra-PC society, anything that even hints at racism sticks out like a sore thumb. Most people who wouldn't realize exactly what was going on with the ad banner, would probably still see it and come to the conclusion that something isn't quite right, without noticing what. That nagging lack of closure would keep the message bouncing around in the subconscious mind for an indeterminate amount of time, keeping Diet Coke in one's thoughts, just below the conscious level, indefinitely. Those sneaky bastards. There are even a few who would realize exactly what's going on, and chuckle at it, but it's just innocuous enough not to effect an outrage. A calculated move that apparently paid off.

So what can we do? Coca-Cola merely exploited a condition that already existed, so boycotting them won't change a thing, because someone else will come along and do the same. We have to stop treating symptoms and aim for a cure. We need to end racism towards hot Asian wimmen forever. I propose that anyone who is able, go out and bang as many hot Asian wimmen as possible. That should send out the message loud and clear that we won't stand for it any longer.

Yes, you too can make a difference, by getting it on with as many hot Asian wimmen as you can. Together we can build a better tomorrow for our children, and the Triad is leading the way.

All praise the Triad!