I do my very best to avoid people at all costs. Most people that you are likely to meet in public are so lame, that they will suck any badassness that you have right out of you. You will fall under their spell, and be left to shamble through the streets, spending your way from one store to the next, until your bewitched feet finally lead you to the mall where the last vestiges of humanity fade.

For a select few of sufficient badassness, the first steps of this crooked path may be avoided, but it is still best not to take chances. Even the most badass, however, at one time or another must head out for supplies.

As one of these excursions wound down to a close, I stood with my selections just feet from the exit. The sub-human in front of me in line watched hypnotized as her items scooted by on the conveyer. The total was announced, the purse was drawn out, and... WHAT!!??

Instead of handing over a wad of money or a credit card and getting the hell out of my way, the sub-human animal starts to write a check. Starts to write a check. After standing there for ten freaking minutes watching slack-jawed as her things were checked out one at a time, only now does it occur to her to start writing a check.

Of course I noticed none of this at first. Seeing her pull out a checkbook, I believed that by some devilry I had been spirited away back to 1985. Surely no sane person would still buy groceries with a check in 2005! A cursory glance about the store however revealed that the problem was much more mundane. The luddite slouching before me was just terminally behind the times.


No checks.

It's really no wonder that we didn't get our flying cars and stuff in 2000, when many people can't master the skill of not using checks. So, if you were looking for someone to point fingers at, blame them.

I can tolerate the use of checks, I guess, if you acknowledge your lameness and start writing it while you're waiting. Figure out your balance on your own time. If you get a calculator out in the checkout lane and start balancing your checkbook again, it's getting shoved up your ass. You know who you are!

Checks are holding back society. You know it's true.